Can't Sleep

It's 4:31 in the morning and I can't seem to fall asleep. I've been on the computer for a couple of minutes now, only after I was reading for about 40 minutes hoping that would lull me to sleep, but to no avail.....Romeo, this cat we're taking care of just popped into my room, if this cat isn't the sweetest motherfing cat ever, i don't know which one is. The other night he fell asleep next to me, covering his eyes with his paws to block the light from my ceiling fan, he goes back home tomorrow, it's been nice having him lurking around..........anyway, I'm out of school but still doing work for my graduate assistantship and completing some errands here in Orlando before I go to New Orleans next week to do some volunteer work. It's really hitting me now that I'll get to go to this place that was devastated only a year ago, to see what people had to go through, to see the devastation. I don't know how the entire trip will turn out, but Dr. Lapchick says it'll be something we'll never forget, I hope that's true in a good sesne.

It's weird not being around my classmates, these are people I'm used to having around and seeing on a daily basis, interacting, arguing, socializing, and debating with. It's strange because when you grow so close to people, you tend to become scared about just how close you really are, about whether you're simply friends because of circumstance or because of a genuine bond that's there. It's definitely scary though, the class ahead of us just graduated and they're all leaving and there have been some tears shed, they worked their asses off, but in the end, I know they'll remember the bonds and friendships they created. That's what this whole thing is about, it's about becoming friends, opening up, and just being human. I like my class a lot, I'm not saying I'm fond of everyone, but I think we've got an impressive group of people and I'm lucky enough to be with them every day. Cheesy, corny, all of the above, but my pineal gland, which controls circadian rhythms is failing me, as my good friend Mariana pointed out, she's studying to become a really smart person....

I can only hope that the friendships and relationships I've had in the past can be maintained, sometimes I look back bitterly at the friendships I've lost and wonder what could be so bad that keeps people from speaking to each other? I don't know that there's a fair answer to that question. But I do know that sometimes, people that you love, people you care deeply about, they'll be the ones to surprise you the most, the ones to upset you because you never think that those people could ever hurt you, and when they do, the pain is ten fold. I've tried to develop a defense mechanism to have no expectations from people, that way you can never be caught off guard by what they do, and in some instances it works, but in others, it just rings hollow....I can't sleep.......i hope to write more about New Orleans when I get back if I don't get a chance to blog once more before heading out.